Children and feelings

Often children, just like adults, become overwhelmed with feelings and emotions and can not find the words to describe them. They also can't find actions to communicate or deal with the feelings or emotions in a way which is helpful, not helpful. Assisting a child to find his or her way way is a large part of counselling. We use a large range of tools to help with this but nothing is more important than a parent whose focus is on what is in the child's best interest, to love, nourish and cherish the child. Working with a child together with the goal of regulating her or his emotions is sometimes called co-regulation. Its about being collaborate and cooperative, as opposed to controlling or dominating a child.

Emotions Wheels
One tool that is often used is based on our understanding of the need for language that helpfully communicates the way a child experiences feelings and emotions. Its called an "Emotions wheel". There are plenty of version out there and the basic idea is that starting from  the centre of the wheel, you can help a child describe and define their feelings and emotions more completely . In doing so, you validate what they are experiencing, their value as a person and together, find out constructive ways to work with that.

Here is one from the "Defend Innocence" website:, which you can access directly by clicking here.



To find out more on how to use an emotions wheel, here is a website that provides a good explanation, "Hope for hurting kids". You can access it directly by clicking here. The options for using an emotions wheel are only limited by imagination; a poster, an emotions jar, playing charades.

Reading and talking.
Another strategy is simply reading and talking about emotions and feelings to build a better vocabulary and shared understanding. Recently I came across a range of books that may be a help for a child in your family and found some recorded readings of these on YouTube for you. Over time I hope to replace these with my own recordings with a view to helping create familiarity for new clients.

When I'm feeling angry by Trace Moroney


When I'm feeling sad by Trace Moroney.

When I'm feeling kind by Trace Moroney:

When I feel jealous by Trace Moroney.

When I feel scared by Trace Moroney.


When I'm feeling lonely by Trace Moroney.


When I'm feeling happy by Trace Moroney.


When I'm feeling loved by Trace Moroney.


When I'm feeling disappointed by Trace Moroney.

Understanding the impact of what has already happened - Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs).
Sometimes it is helpful to understand the circumstances children are placed in and the effect that they have on the children. Negative circumstances have a huge impact on children in many ways and rather than just expect a child to either "get over it" or "grow up" it may be helpful to consider the full impact of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). The links below have the same content but there is one for both sexes, in case this is important for your child(ren). These were developed by the the Community & Family Services Division at the Spokane (WA) Regional Health District of Washington State, USA.




There are some most excellent speakers on this subject that have published videos on YouTube. If you have time, I recommend having a watch of these. You can also do a YouTube or Vimeo search using search terms as "Adverse Childhood Conditions" or "Childhood trauma".

YouTube videos on Adverse Childhood Experiences:

Vimeo videos on Adverse Childhood Experiences:
  • Video #1. From www.substance.org.au. Six (6) minutes.
  • Video #2. From Academy of Violence and Abuse. Three (3) minutes.
  • Video #3. How common are Adverse Childhood Experiences from Dartmouth Films. Two (2) minutes.
  • Video #4. Adverse Childhood Experiences from Andrew Hall. Seven (7) minutes.
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