My belief is that DFV is not about the violence but rather the need for a person using violence to find personal validation by the abuse of power and control over another or a group of people. There are connections to personality disorders such as narcissism, sociopathology and psychopathology and these are best explored in face-to-face counselling.
There are a number of different ways that we can describe or look at DFV and its effects. On this page I hope to consider some of the more common lenses through which we can look at DFV and its effects.
A good place to start is to consider some legal terms. as far as federal or commonwealth law that covers all of Australia, the Family Law Act has some good definitions. Section 4AB(1) of the Family law Act defines family violence for the purposes of this act as:
"violent, threatening or other behaviour by a person that coerces or controls a member of the person's family (the family member), or causes the family member to be fearful".
A second sub-section, 4AB(2), provides an open list of the types of circumstances that may be held to be family violence under the Act:
Examples of behaviour that may constitute family violence include (but are not limited to):
"
(a) an assault; or
(b) a sexual assault or other sexually abusive behaviour; or
(c) staking; or
(d) repeated derogatory taunts; or
(e) intentionally damaging or destroying property;
(f) intentionally causing death or injury to an animal; or
(g) unreasonably denying the family member the financial autonomy that he or she would reasonably otherwise would have had;
(h) unreasonably withholding financial support needed to meet the reasonable living expenses of the family member, or his or her child, at a time when the family member is entirely or predominately dependent on the person for financial support; or
(i) preventing the family member from making or keeping connections with his or her family, friends or culture; or
(j) unlawfully depriving the family member, or any member of the family member's family, of his or her liberty."
If we started with the law that covers all of Australia, the next step along is the definitions that apply specifically to Queensland. Click here to go to the Queensland Courts web-page on domestic violence. I really like the way this page explains that domestic violence is a pattern of behavior and emphasizes the fact that you have a right to live a life without fear.
Another web site that explains that DFV is so much more than physical violence can be found by clicking here.
So with the definitions under the law clearly laid out, let's look at a few other ideas and concepts that build meaning to the phrases "Domestic Violence", "Domestic and Family Violence" or "Family Violence".
The ripple effect of violence
Perhaps a good place to start is to comes to terms with the ripple effect, the long reach of multiple consequences. In the "Safe and Together" model, the phrase "Multiple pathways to harm" is often used and I think that is a very helpful way to describe how domestic violence reaches so many parts of life and society.
Perhaps a good place to start is to comes to terms with the ripple effect, the long reach of multiple consequences. In the "Safe and Together" model, the phrase "Multiple pathways to harm" is often used and I think that is a very helpful way to describe how domestic violence reaches so many parts of life and society.
The cycle of violence
Within DFV, violence does have a pattern and it does keep coming back. The Brisbane Domestic Violence Service has put together a good fact sheet that you can access by clicking here or on the picture below:
DV Connect also has an excellent web page to describe this cycle that you can access by clicking here.
Here are some videos to help describe the cycle of violence. I've included three different videos as they all bring a different but equally important view of the cycle.
The Duluth Model
To help build an understanding of DFV, I find the "Duluth Model" an excellent conceptual model to start with. Here is a list of YouTube videos based on the "Power and Control Wheel" and "Equality Wheels" from Duluth to help start the conversation. I've also taken the liberty of adding some additional videos to provide further food for thought, especially around the impact of the different types of violence.
Understanding the Power and Control Wheel
Physical and sexual violence
Using children:
Minimizing, denying and blaming:
Isolation:
The following video is from the HealthyPlace Mental health channel on YouTube and lists a number of ways that isolation occurs within DFV.
A very simple explanation of what isolation is and what it can do from the EndAbuse4Good channel on YouTube:
A survivor's testimony on isolation by Ashley Havelka:
Emotional abuse:
Here is another YouTube video by Aastha Tyagi about emotional abuse. You can also view her Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/BrokenAShortFilm/ or the website here: https://cherifaboulazreg.wixsite.com/brokenshortfilm
Economic abuse:
The following videos were developed by the Women's Legal Service Queensland on financial abuse, literacy and recovery.
Financial abuse
Financial Literacy
Getting back on track:
Overcoming money shame:
The following video is from the Wakefield Council in the United Kingdom and provides another view of coercive control.
The following video is from the Surrey Police and Crime Commissioner in the United Kingdom and provides another view of coercive control.
The following video is from the Queensland Police Service in the Australia and provides another view of coercive control.
This video is from Mumsnet and takes a closer look at the effect of coercive control on the person being abused.
If you would like to have a downloadable A4 poster on coercive control, click here or on the picture below:
Names, terms and labels
Sometimes understanding the names, labels and terms really helps to process aspects of DFV.
Gaslighting. One term often used is "gaslighting" and it is a label used to describe a range of acts in which the target starts to doubt his or own judgement. It is sometimes also called crazy making.
A Google search on the term gaslighting can find many excellent resources. One that I like is on the website Psychology Today and written by Dr Stephanie Sarkis. You can find it by clicking here.
Healthline have an excellent article on gaslighting and you can find it by clicking here.
I often find that the movie from which the term comes from, "Gaslight" a great way to understand this term. Here is a link to the 1940s version on YouTube:
Looking at modern movies and characters can often provide some insight. Here is a clip from the YouTube channel "Cinema Therapy" about the gaslighting relationship in the movie 'Tangled.
I would like to comment that if you are in a relationship with someone who claims that he/she is gaslighting and would like to change, it is my belief that the person should undergo his/her own individual therapy first. That person needs to first take responsibility for the desired change and not make you responsible for the change. Couples therapy, in my opinion, should only occur when you are safe and the other person demonstrates a high level of accountability and responsibility for the controlling behaviour.